Laura D. Harver

Friday

Stand on Shoulders by Laura D. Harver

Have you heard the sayings that we stand on the shoulders of our ancestors (African proverb) or the shoulders of giants (Isaac Netwon, c. 1675)? Of course, not literally, but most if not all of us have someone who has lifted us literally or figuratively, in person, through books, stories, the Internet, etc. None of us ever truly stand-alone, although it may look or feel like it.

To move forward to maximize your potential and develop your legacy, you must learn and develop your ability to draw upon the resources within and around you.

Questions & Self-Reflection:

What can you draw upon as a leader, a team, and an organization?

What resources do you have?

Books
Internet
People (human and social capital—family, friends, predecessors, team, contacts, networks, etc.)
History
Lessons learned
Stories
Passed-down legacies to draw from

Frequently, we hear that the fruit does not fall far from the tree or a similar saying with a negative connotation. Well, what about the positive? Things passed down typically come with a mixture of strengths, weaknesses, and challenges like anything else, but why focus on the negative?

Look at the information or strategies you gained from what worked or lessons learned for what did not.

Do you have something you can gain from in your personal life, family, community, background, experiences, and history that you can draw from? If so, what? How can you use it as a strength?

Do you have something you can gain from in your leadership, team, or organizational background, experiences, and history that you can draw from? If so, what? How can you use it as a strength?

Do you have something you can gain from in your neighborhood, state, heritage, national background, experiences, and history that you can draw from? If so, what? How can you use it as a strength?

Reference:

Newton, I. (c. 1675). Issac Newton Quotes. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/isaac_newton_135885

Tuesday

Self-Served Beliefs by Laura D. Harver

Image from Pixabay

Are you suffering from your own beliefs? There are times that you should hold fast to your beliefs, of course. But there are also times when you must challenge your beliefs to move on and grow. As Stevie Wonder sung in Superstition, "When you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer." So, what?

What if you don’t hold beliefs about rabbits’ feet, broken mirrors, black cats, cracks in the cement, alleged stolen elections, or even conspiracy theories? What if this not what is holding you back, but it’s rather something else, whether it is conscious or unconscious?

Perhaps, you wouldn’t say that you are superstitious—neither would I—but there are some things that we need to reconsider about our beliefs. This can also relate to implicit and explicit biases, and how attributes and actions are directed and sometimes withheld from certain populations while others believe in and assert their privilege, consciously or not.

Are you making assumptions and connections where there are none? Are you ascribing causes and effects—or even relationships—where there are none? Could these be beliefs that you held based on a specific event or time in your life?

Think of the classic study about the conditioning of Pavlov’s dog. In the experiment, a bell rings and the dog receives food. Eventually, the dog salivates in anticipation of food whenever it hears the bell, even if no food is given.

How can you apply this to yourself? Whether you have been in a situation or experienced an event that caused you to respond in a certain way, or you did not experience the situation, but saw it dramatized in pictures or heard stories passed down through generations, you will find that many of your beliefs have been shaped around these circumstances. Now you have views about and have attached meanings to these things or occurrences. You’ve developed these beliefs, and you can apply them to most, if not everything. You believe that you can or cannot do things because of your beliefs and experiences. This becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy, also known as the Pygmalion effect.

You don’t understand why the same undesirable things keep happening over and over again. Your beliefs develop into a web of beliefs and your mind gets set in its ways. Your mindset drives the behaviors that you choose, whether consciously or not.

Do you have beliefs that may have worked for you before, but are not working now? Have you attributed beliefs to a relationship that was never really there in the first place? How did your beliefs serve you in the past? How are your beliefs serving you now?

Are your beliefs true absolutes or situational? Could it be that your beliefs served you well or protected you based on your perception, but that the beliefs are not serving you nor others well now? Acknowledge, examine, and decide what you want to do with your beliefs now, seeking help if you need it.

If you find yourself believing in things that you don't understand, don’t continue to suffer.

Instead, eliminate or reduce your suffering by increasing your awareness and examining your beliefs about yourself, your organizations, and other people. Minimize the amount of suffering in your own life! No matter what beliefs you hold, it is important to examine them. Why, you may ask?

Again, your beliefs shape your mindset, which informs your action or inaction, which sets patterns and cycles in your life. Understand? If you want to have breakthroughs and change your cyclical outcomes, examine your belief(s), challenge and shift your mindset, and alter your patterns of behavior, as needed. Otherwise, you may wind up fulfilling an unwanted self-fulling prophecy. You may accidentally sabotage or undermine your own success or the success of your own team, organization, or others. So, do yourself a favor and begin the examination process, such that you can take appropriate steps that support your personal and organizational well-being.

Laura D. Harver is the founder and CEO of Harver Edge, LLC, the Innovative Solutionista™, and a credentialed Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation (ICF). She covers topics centered around leadership, health & well-being (individual, family, organizational), diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging, and legacy development.

Monday

Unexpected by Laura D. Harver

Sometimes life brings you unexpected blessing in the most unlikely places

Like in the moments you may feel overcome and weak

Muster up your strength anyway

You are unique

On the road of life

You can give back to someone, in their moment of feeling defeated

Your victories model for them a different view

A view, a picture that they can make another decision

Look at things differently, expand their beliefs, and take another action

Truth

The power is in theirs

Actually, truth be told, in each of our hands

So, muster up your strength, embrace your uniqueness, and prepare for the possibilities

The opportunities in the expected, familiar places

And also dare to believe in the possible in unexpected places

Laura D. Harver is the founder and CEO of Harver Edge, LLC, the Innovative Solutionista™, and a credentialed Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation (ICF). She covers topics centered around leadership, legacy, health & well-being (individual, family, organizational), diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging, and legacy development.

Tuesday

Two Sides: Heads or Tails by Laura D. Harver

Image from Pixabay

Have you ever been in a game—or even watched one—when there was a toss-up? One side selected tails and other was left with heads. The official threw up the coin. There was anticipation over what side the coin would land on. As it spun through the air, the coin was on its edge, the suspense mounting. What will it be?

Regardless of what side it landed on, we would all need to hear the results. We would have to be ready to start the game. But what if the results were not what we wanted?

Has this happened to you before? Maybe the result you were waiting for wasn't a coin toss. It could be a job that you applied for, a team that you are eagerly waiting to be invited to participate in, or a fledgling relationship seeking reciprocation, you have put yourself out there and you’re waiting to hear back.

Regardless of what the toss-up is about, you will have to be able to hear the results. You will need to find a way to move on; but how? You must have a strategy to proceed if things do or do not go as you desired or expected.

Listen to the results. Practice mindfulness. What's going on now? Witness how you are feeling without judgment. Recognize your emotions.

Be aware of the story (stories) you tell yourself. Where did this story come from? Was the story true then, and is it right now? Can this story be applied to your current situation, or do you need to adapt your narrative? Decide what information you will tell yourself about the situation with a lens of truth towards yourself and others.

Choose your attitude and shift if needed. Learn from what took place, if you can. If there are some great takeaways, take them and use them now and in the future.

Practice good sportsmanship. Be ready to play or move on regardless of the side it lands on. Develop resilience. Be agile. Now, play to the best of your abilities.

Remember, you can use this to fuel your future. This can help you to get out of your comfort zone. This can help you to practice and build a new skill or develop your strengths.

Monday

Listen, Part II by Laura D. Harver

Active listening and effective speaking are skills that must be taught and developed. After all, if we want to communicate, there must be an exchange of ideas. There is a give and take just as there are a yin and a yang. Both traits are critical aspects of giving and receiving and one is just as important as the other.

For example, while interviewing a gentleman who was a Buddhist monk, I learned about his background, experience, and how he adapted to living in the United States. As I listened to him, I heard him describe his ethnic and national background. And after listening to him, he asked me a few questions and listened to my responses.

By communicating through both talking and listening, I was able to lean into the conversation, and consequently learned and understood a little more about his culture. I was also able to discover and highlight our similarities, which I found helpful in maintaining effective communication. Indeed, people who are able to find commonalities tend to be able to develop functional strategies—including a sort of third culture—when communicating with people from other backgrounds.

During the conversation, however, there was an opportunity to hit the button. He made some inappropriate statements about all American youth and Black single or Black teeenage mothers; he even went so far as to voice his surprise that I wasn’t one of them and that I had a car and my own home. WOW! Interesting!

Firstly, his statements were blatantly stereotypical. All American youth are not violent and sexually active. Secondly, Black women are not the only single teeenage mothers in America. But to put all of this into perspective, I should tell you more about the whole conversation before you tell me to hit that cancel button.

When we were speaking, he told me about the televsion shows that he watched, which did not give him a great perception of America. Although I was aware of the shows he was watching when they were on TV, I wasn’t watching them. I chose to watch other shows.

Were there other things to watch on televsion? Maybe. On the other hand, I don’t know what his viewing choices were during the time in his coutry of orgin. However, he described what he was watching and said he was concerned that television portrays too much sex and violence. I actually agree and feel that there need to be more options.

Although, I do not agree with everything that he expressed, there was some agreement between us. Through listening, I discovered that the gentleman and I had many similarities. Although he is Buddhist and I am Christian, we are both spiritual. In addition to our spirituality, we both have a deep concern for humankind.

So, what’s the moral of the story? Don’t be so quick to use or overuse use the cancel button. You can learn by listening, whether or not you find smiliarites or common ground.

Thursday

Listen, Part I

by Laura D. Harver

If you don’t agree with them, you just ignore them. Or debate them. Or cancel them. Why even listen?

In this current cancel cultural, people rarely feel like listening. So, why should we listen when we can simply turn the channel, unfriend, and unfollow? Should we cancel people, places, and things at times? Yes! But only after addressing the ethos, logos, and pathos of the issue at hand. Then go ahead, press the cancel button!

However, let’s not go so far that we simply refuse to strengthen our capacity for tolerance or our ability to listen actively. Come on, let’s grow up. At some point, we all need take a look at this worn out button and recognize that we are overusing it. Don’t we?

We have moved on from holding up a palm and saying “talk to the hand” as a form of saying, “I don’t want to hear you. Don’t even talk because we’re not listening,” to pushing the cancel button. The cancel button has become our go-to for not listening.

Warning. Stop! Danger! When we overuse this button, we lose opportunities to increase our knowledge and grow. The ability to listen can help you to develop your critical thinking skills and improve your relationships. This doesn’t mean that we will always or ever agree, but listening helps shape our civility.

Tuesday

We Need to Get Our Masks Together! By Laura D. Harver

I get it. You don’t like being told what to do, and it frustrates you. As an American, I get it. I like my sense of freedom, too. With that said, it does not mean freedom eradicates our responsibility to wear a mask when we leave our homes.

The wearing of masks is not a debate. It’s not a republican or democrat issue. It is about doing what is right. It is about caring for ourselves and others. Hence, let us stop politicizing not wearing a mask. Call it full flames, brushfires, embers of gold or gray, or whatever you may. The fact is people are getting sick and others dying amidst the unclear testing guidelines and inconsistent statements found on and offline.

We need to get our masks together. Like it, love it, or hate it, let’s wear them. After all, our need to be right or feel free does not halt our need to care for ourselves and others. Should we have rights? Yes, but we should also be our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper. So, come on and “Do the Right Thing,” as Spike Lee’s film title suggested.

Is there a precedent for getting our masks together so that lives are not continuously endangered or lost? I feel there is, but let’s explore this. Does every state require passengers to wear a seatbelt while riding in a vehicle? No. Is there still a case to make wearing a seatbelt mandatory? Yes, I believe so.

If the seatbelt scenario does not sway you, what about science? Okay, maybe you’re not all that interested in science, but what about having good ole common sense, showing some human decency, and most importantly, following the CDC guidelines? After all, what can we lose if we do? However, if we refuse to do these things mentioned, we risk our health, our well-being, and losing our own life as well as the lives of family members, community members, healthcare workers, etc.

Come on now, let’s work together and get our masks together. What can we do during this time? Here are nine things to consider:

1. Stop politicizing mask-wearing regardless of your party affiliation.

2. Wear a mask, or another appropriate face covering, when you are out in public.

3. Stop calling the virus by a race or ethnic group.

4. Stop downplaying the rise in cases when they occur.

5. Protect children’s right to receive a good quality education. Close the digital divide in urban and rural areas so that no child is left behind. All children should receive a quality education while learning, whether in-person or remotely.

6. Practice social distance based on CDC guidelines.

7. Stop organizing and attending super-spreader events.

8. Wash your hands.

9. Read credible information about the coronavirus.

Let’s be mindful of one another. Unify our message. Lead through best practices and adjust when needed so that we do not put ourselves and others at risk. Protect yourself and vulnerable populations from contracting COVID.

Put your masks on when out in public. Support the learning and development of our children while guarding their well-being. Build our economy. Let’s get our masks together and wear them responsibly.