Active listening and effective speaking are skills that must be taught and developed. After all, if we want to communicate, there must be an exchange of ideas. There is a give and take just as there are a yin and a yang. Both traits are critical aspects of giving and receiving and one is just as important as the other.
For example, while interviewing a gentleman who was a Buddhist monk, I learned about his background, experience, and how he adapted to living in the United States. As I listened to him, I heard him describe his ethnic and national background. And after listening to him, he asked me a few questions and listened to my responses.
By communicating through both talking and listening, I was able to lean into the conversation, and consequently learned and understood a little more about his culture. I was also able to discover and highlight our similarities, which I found helpful in maintaining effective communication. Indeed, people who are able to find commonalities tend to be able to develop functional strategies—including a sort of third culture—when communicating with people from other backgrounds.
During the conversation, however, there was an opportunity to hit the button. He made some inappropriate statements about all American youth and Black single or Black teeenage mothers; he even went so far as to voice his surprise that I wasn’t one of them and that I had a car and my own home. WOW! Interesting!
Firstly, his statements were blatantly stereotypical. All American youth are not violent and sexually active. Secondly, Black women are not the only single teeenage mothers in America. But to put all of this into perspective, I should tell you more about the whole conversation before you tell me to hit that cancel button.
When we were speaking, he told me about the televsion shows that he watched, which did not give him a great perception of America. Although I was aware of the shows he was watching when they were on TV, I wasn’t watching them. I chose to watch other shows.
Were there other things to watch on televsion? Maybe. On the other hand, I don’t know what his viewing choices were during the time in his coutry of orgin. However, he described what he was watching and said he was concerned that television portrays too much sex and violence. I actually agree and feel that there need to be more options.
Although, I do not agree with everything that he expressed, there was some agreement between us. Through listening, I discovered that the gentleman and I had many similarities. Although he is Buddhist and I am Christian, we are both spiritual. In addition to our spirituality, we both have a deep concern for humankind.
So, what’s the moral of the story? Don’t be so quick to use or overuse use the cancel button. You can learn by listening, whether or not you find smiliarites or common ground.
Laura D. Harver is the founder and CEO of Harver Edge, LLC, the Innovative Solutionista™, and a credentialed Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation (ICF). She covers topics centered around leadership, health & well-being (individual, family, organizational), diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging, and legacy development.
